Accepting Your Wife

You Love Your Wife, But…

In our #1 bestselling book Strong Men Dangerous Times, I confessed that soon after marrying my angel, she turned into the devil. Shanna admits to marrying her dream guy and waking up in a nightmare. You can read about why in the book, but I discovered that it was easier to love her than to accept her—to accept who she was.

You can learn about the areas I struggled to accept my bride, as many of you do, on our most recent Equipping Men in Ten episode.

Reciprocation Expectation

We are ledger people. We make relational deposits and withdrawals. So does our spouse. Relationship experts, Christians, teach us that when our “love bank” is empty, the marriage is in trouble and our job is to make more investments than withdrawals to keep our account always in the positive with our wife.

The problem with this advice, although wise, is it’s not biblical in marriage and relationships according to Jesus. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. (Luke 6:32-35)”

Forget the Love Bank. Do This Instead.

My marriage changed when I repented of my Love Bank—ledger people—mentality and took the (biblical) love risk. Press headlong into loving your spouse regardless of her ability (some spouses are ill and are unable to reciprocate) or willingness (some are plain old selfish and refuse) to reciprocate.

Accept the woman you fell in love (and made a forever covenant) with. Out-love and out-serve her despite your disappointment, her reciprocation, or your happiness. Biblical marriage was designed for your holiness, not your happiness.

Starting to Accept Your Wife Starts Here

You have two choices. You have no power to change your bride, but you have the power to either accept or reject her. Here is some low-hanging fruit you can pick to accept your bride:

1. The commitment she has to Jesus

2. The beauty that pulled you to her

3. The heart that drew you closer

4. The personality that captivated you

5. Her mental strength

If our podcast is helping you become a better man, please subscribe to the show. Text an episode to your bride or closest bros. May God bless your marriage.


Accept Her,

Jim Ramos