The Deeper Meaning Behind Your Marriage Pet Peeves

Hypocrites in the Church and Marriage

With great emotion, a  young man recently expressed his problem with the Church— something I’ve heard hundreds of times, “The Church is filled with hypocrites.”

I calmly responded, “Yes, because it is filled with broken people. As long as the church is filled with sinners (Romans 3:10 and 23) it will be that way. But mature believers do not let that affect their involvement.”

It is the same in marriage. We all have brokenness. I am broken. You are broken. Your spouse is broken. The sooner we discover, accept (next week’s blog), and love our spouse through their brokenness, the more satisfying our marriage will be.  

Discover Her Brokenness

Generally, we are all sinners, and as such are broken. Specifically, your bride (like you) brings her brokenness into the marriage. Your assignment, my friend, is to discover it. For any wives reading this, I beg you to do the same for your man. It is a game changer.

Here are six questions that will help discover the answer to her brokenness:

(Here’s where I unpack this list in greater detail.)

1. Where is she most insecure?

2. What frustrates you the most about her?

3. What bad memories does she recall?

4. How does she relate to her dad?

5. Has she been wounded, physically/sexually abused, or violated?

6. What triggers emotion (anger, anxiety, sadness, etc.) in her?

Okay, she’s broken. Now what?

Once you identify her (his) brokenness, you can begin to help her find healing and freedom through your love and acceptance of her. Below are four ways you can do this.

Love her despite herself. Agape—Christian love—is desiring the best life for the object of your love and serving them without any reciprocation expectation. It is risky. It is dangerous. It is selfless. It is biblical (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Speak her language. Learn, and love according to her love language. Our interview with Gary Chapman, the author of Five Love Languages, will help you.

Confront the lies she believes with the truth. She needs your constant truth reminders over the lies she believes. She is worthy. She is beautiful. She is enough. She is yours and only yours.

Pursue her heart daily. You must never stop loving her through her brokenness. Your daily pursuit of her, compounded over time will yield great fruit, an enviable marriage, and a powerful bride.

Be Relentless,

Jim